Stop Complaining

Stop Complaining! It’s a pretty simple concept, yet one of the most difficult habits to break. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but…no one cares about your problems. Do you really care about other people’s problems?

It’s very easy to get caught up in complaining about how your roommate drank your last beer, or how your teacher unfairly gave you a pop-quiz, or how you didn’t get enough sleep due to partying and now you deserve pity for being awake and talking to me. I have no sympathy for you.

Complaining is generally used as a vehicle for attention, pity, and sympathy. Do you really want or need those things from your listener?

I think that college students often use complaining as a way to modestly impress someone. “OMG, I am so hungover, I didn’t read the chapter at all, I stayed up all night partying, and I just aced that quiz! Whatevs, it’s no biggie, I guess I’m just a prodigy. How did you do?”

I may be guilty of uttering a similar sentence myself, but what are you really telling the other person? “I’m more popular than you as evidenced by the desirability of my company last night, and I’m smarter than you because I don’t need to study. Even on my worst day, I’m better than you, so you should be impressed.”

Is that the sentiment you really want to convey? Because that’s what people hear. So, just stop doing it!

No one really cares about your problems or wants to hear your excuses or your veiled bragging. We all know people like this – they’re downers and they will never ask you about your life. Complaining is egocentric and it brings down your listener’s mood. Do you want to be remembered that way?

Going cold turkey on complaining is hard work! One tip I can offer is to ask before you tell. Show interest in the other person first. Ask how they are doing. If you are interested, people will find you interesting.

When you come off as interested and interesting instead of as a complainer, you can guess that people will like you better and want to spend their time with you. You will be tempted to go back to your old Negative Nancy ways, but resist the urge, and I think you will be amazed by the results!

Today is a great day!

Today is a great day! Today is a great day! Today is a great day!

This is a sentence that someone once told me to repeat three times in the mirror with different intonations to start off each morning. Waking up might be the most difficult thing you’ll do all day, so sometimes you need to give yourself a little pep talk. Get yourself excited about the day ahead; each day is a new opportunity to make a difference in the world. “Wake up, Show up and Follow up“ are the key ingredients to success.

Some mornings, I wake up to my alarm and all I want to do is count the hours ’til I can go back to sleep. If I find myself falling into that trap, I repeat to myself, “Today is a great day.” You can’t make a difference or accomplish much if you don’t get up and get out there. That’s not to say you don’t need a “Lunch, Nap, Vodka” day every now and then, but most days, you may need to give yourself a little extra motivation to join the real world.

Saying the words “today is a great day” has no magic effect on its own. The magic happens when you think about what you are going to do that day, and what you are most looking forward to doing. The countdown in your mind becomes the time until you meet a friend for coffee, or go to an interesting lecture, or read an article for class. You create your own mini-countdowns so that you don’t spend your waking hours wishing you were asleep.

I know it sounds a little corny to talk yourself up in a mirror. It’s a little too “who’s the fairest of them all” – I never thought I would ever actually do it when it was suggested to me years ago. But it is such a simple, quick, and easy confidence builder. So, while I now occasionally say “today is a great day” to myself to get motivated about the day ahead, I also give myself little compliments throughout the day, especially when I have a stressful activity ahead.

Before an interview, I might coach myself about what a qualified candidate I am for the position. Before a presentation, I might remind myself of how knowledgeable I am about my topic. On my way to a party, I might tell myself how great I look. (And after running into an ex-boyfriend, I might exclaim in my car on the drive home how great my new life is without him!)

Do what you need to do to build your confidence and remind yourself how great you are! When you do it privately, you become your own secret weapon. Although we try to surround ourselves with supportive people who love us and think we are wonderful, those people will not always be around when we need that extra ego boost- so figure out a way to boost yourself up when you need it!

Sometimes on my note cards for a presentation, I will write myself little compliments; or before an interview, I will make a list of all the things I’m really great at doing. Every once in a while, look yourself in the mirror and repeat, “Today is a great day,” or whatever you construct to get you motivated to make your day exceptional.

How will you remind yourself of your own greatness? How will you become your own secret weapon to success?